I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize