Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
