both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
