boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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