Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
