dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You are the jesus of drinking
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
