just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
