Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
