you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
