Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
