I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
