As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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