I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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