Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
