Apparently you make a good broom.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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