please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
