you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
