I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
