worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
high people should be assigned attendants
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
