I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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