dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
