Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
