I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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