I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
