How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
