I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
