I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we're making bets on your personal life
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
