i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
