Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
