His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
