3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
