so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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