just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
