My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
