Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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