Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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