Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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