I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
