Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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