Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
