wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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