What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im six kinds of drunk right now
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
