I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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