awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
