I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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