haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
