Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
