so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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