I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
