yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
