Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
