Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
