So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Randomize