coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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