do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
