Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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