I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize