wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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