dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
