Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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