I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize