I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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