i think my tv is drunk
false alarm. still invincible.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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