When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
