i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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