White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
