I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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