I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize