Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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