but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
