the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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